M. A. Ellis

		New year, new works in progress (WIPs), new girl’s night out (GNO) ‘toy’ party, new weight loss regime (HELL)…what can I say, dear reader, it’s all about tradition! A small revelation on my part: I like to think of myself as somewhat clever. An idea kind of gal. Always looking to effectively weave different info together so it becomes epically important to the cause at hand while at the same time, wonderfully informative and always pertinent. Fast forward to the GNO party. It’s a given that my name will always be bandied about when it’s time for one of these things. Which is fine. I love the camaraderie and silliness that generally accompanies the naughty version of a Tupperware party. Seriously, the similarities are mind-boggling. You’ve got things made of rubber and silicone and the battle that shall always rage between the two as to which is better, there’s the benefits of proper storage involved and last time I threw one of these shindigs, there was one product that guaranteed a tighter seal…just sayin’. So, armed with a date, I forged ahead with the plans. Anyone can send a simple invite…and there’s nothing wrong with that. But considering that ‘clever’ fact, coupled with this not being my first implements-named-after-furry-carrot loving-animals rodeo, I wanted to put a whole different spin, no pun intended, on things. Everyone’s seen the articles that grace the covers of magazines, especially this time of year, on caloric burning during sex. And honestly, that’s actually the only burning I find acceptable during magna coetus. Call me crazy. I knew there’d be tons of info out there on the weight loss benefits of—as my beloved boyfriend so eloquently puts it—banging. But I wasn’t certain what statistics could be found on the correlation of self-pleasuring and weight loss. I’m not going to lie…if my investigation turned up the possibility of a 5 Layer Burrito being wiped off my “meal tracker” without the threat of me ending up with carpel tunnel…I was heading out the door and straight to Taco Bell for dinner. Let it be known I just consumed a Lean Cuisine Spinach & Mushroom Pizza. Enough said. I found absolutely nothing medically proven that links masturbation with weight loss. What I did find was a link that offered a small likelihood of truth and a whole lot of hilarity. I now have a 20 calorie vibrator statistic I can use to blatantly lure my gf’s to the party. Mission accomplished. It’s a rather lengthy article, but worth the time and the chuckles. You can check it out at the following link: http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/csex.htm And to those of you who may have also spent two or more years conjugating Latin, the payday has finally been revealed: 60 calories, amicorum! Until next time, M.A.		Excerpt \|\| Purchase Excerpt \|\| Purchase Excerpt \|\| Purchase Excerpt \|\| Purchase

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